Chasing After
by Fain on Fire
Summary: Just after episode 25. Mikasa watches over Eren as he sleeps, and Armin and Jean come in to check on them. But when Jean once again sees Mikasa's devotion to Eren, he finally asks why she cares so much about that reckless boy. What follows sheds a little light on those three.
1. Chapter 1

**Chasing After**

Eren's brow furrowed as sweat beaded across the crease of his forehead. The corners of his lips twitched over and over and his fingers slowly clenched and unclenched. He was having those dreams again… She had always been able to tell ever since they were little, but whether they were just dreams, nightmares, or something in between she wasn't sure. Every time he did this something deep in her gut would always pull at her anxiously- almost as if to tell her to take note or to be wary. Maybe they weren't so much dreams or nightmares as they were prophetic visions…

She folded a small towel and gently swabbed the sweat away then carefully rested her palm against the corner of his forehead just above his left eye. But the trembling didn't stop; in fact it worsened. His eyebrows started to twitch downward, the left corner of his mouth started to twist in a sort of grimace, and she could hear his breath start to pull in short heavy rasps. She let her right hand slide down to hold his cheek, and she clasped his right hand with her left. What kind of dream… "Eren," she called softly. She would always call to him like this- try to wake him, keep him from seeing whatever it was that causing him distress. But there was no response. "Eren," she called again, firmer; there was simply more trembling. "Eren," she said once more, trying not to get too loud. Sometimes she was able to wake him- sometimes she wasn't, and it seemed that this would be another one of those times where she would have to wait and wonder what it was he saw.

Mikasa retrieved the towel again to wipe more trails of sweat from his face before she lowered her lips to his ear to try again. "Eren, wake up…" she told him. Eren was deeply lost in his dream. She looked over him solemnly and carefully for a while. Finally, she rested her head upon his chest as she held his hand. It was something she had done more times than Eren was aware of- holding his hand and wishing the nightmares away. Mikasa had never told him though. He never liked it when she "babied" him, and she was sure he might respond to this in the same way he had responded to her protection so many times before. So she simply stayed quietly by his side as she had before for so long.

Mikasa let out a long sigh and clasped his hand a little more firmly. She could feel his shaking chest and quick heartbeat through his shirt. Each tremble felt like it were a small string of his own emotion leaking from his dream and snaking its way into her chest. They were like that for a minute or two, her head on his firm but shaky chest, her eyes slowly switching between the twitching features on his face and the open window. Those words from earlier came creeping back into her mind. _"It felt nice actually…"_ Eren had said, _"Enough that I almost felt like I _wanted _to die."_

Her grip quickly tightened on his hand as she buried her face in his chest. _No_, she thought, _it won't happen like that. I won't let it._

That was when a light knock came from the door. She picked her head up to see Armin and Jean walk in. Something about Jean's eyes seemed to light up a bit as he entered and saw her, but something else immediately made it disappear as a slight frown tugged at his lips. Mikasa noticed that seemed to happen every other time he caught sight of her and Eren. She ignored it and turned to Armin.

"So he's still asleep, huh?" Armin remarked softly as he sat in a chair at the end of the bed. Jean leaned against the wall closer to the door.

"He's been sound asleep for a while now," Mikasa replied.

"Well, I hope he decides to get up soon," Jean cut in. "No doubt the commander's already drawing up our next plans, and Eren should be up and moving when it's ready to go- not lazing in bed all day." Mikasa's eyes sharpened at Jean.

"It was a long and tough fight," Armin said calmly as he observed Eren, "He deserves a little rest. But even so, with his regenerative titan power, I imagine it shouldn't be too much longer before he's up."

"Lucky bastard," Jean muttered under his breath. Mikasa had seen his lips move but hadn't made out what he said.

"So what did they say about Eren and the Survey Corps?" she asked Armin.

"It would seem everything is clear, at least for now." He raised his gaze to meet hers, "But there's no doubt that they'll still be keeping an eye on everything, what with all the damage done to the city and Annie's escape." Armin could tell by her eyes that Mikasa was worried about something, and judging from the way Eren was trembling it had to be about nightmares he was having again.

Armin had seen those two shake with nightmares countless times since the fall of Shiganshina. Many a night between that time and their enlistment in the military they would all huddle close and hold each other as they slept, usually with Armin looking on worriedly. Even still to this day he felt bad about it. No one should have to go through the things those two did, and what made him feel worse was the fact that there wasn't anything he could do to take those nightmares away.

Armin glanced at Eren before looking back to Mikasa and softly patted her knee with reassurance. She gave him a small smile.

"Yeah," Jean commented, continuing on Armin's note, "I doubt they can hardly turn a blind eye to everything we're starting to cost them."

Armin picked up there, "But it is a price that has to be paid if we, if humanity, ever hopes to defeat the titans." He closed his eyes. "I just hope they come to see that sooner rather than later." Silence filled the room as the stakes settled in on their minds again.

Armin opened his eyes and stood up, "Anyway, we just wanted to come by and check on you on our way to eat. You want me to bring you and Eren back something?"

She gave a small nod, grateful for Armin's insightfulness, "If you wouldn't mind."

Armin nodded and turned to walk out the door. Jean followed but paused for just a moment as he gave one last glance towards Mikasa and Eren- then he shut the door. Mikasa's gaze lingered on the floor for a bit, unsure of what to think. Finally, she looked back over Eren and, seeing no sweat to wipe away, rested her head back on his chest. But a cold shiver slid down her spine when she did; Eren still had yet to stop trembling.


	2. Chapter 2

Armin and Eren rushed ahead of her. "Come on, Mikasa, hurry up!" They would run around like this from time to time whenever the weather in Shiganshina was pleasant. Ten-year old Mikasa held back for a bit, allowing them to take the lead as they ran down the street. Eren turned his head a bit toward her, "Bet you won't beat us this time!" This was usually where she would pick up the pace and easily blow by them and go stand by the house that was "base," but this time when she pushed herself to run faster she only felt tired. She tried pushing harder, but it only left her more winded. Little Mikasa couldn't catch up for some reason. She felt somewhat slow and sluggish- like she really needed to go to bed. Something was wrong.

"Come on, Mikasa, you'll never keep up like that!" Eren teased as he and Armin approached the usual house. _I know_, she thought. She had been trying so hard to catch up to Eren this whole time, but he just kept blowing right on ahead without any thought to letting her catch up. _Why can't I make it to you, Eren?_ Her arms and legs were heavy, swinging lazily as she had to put effort into her heavy huffing and puffing. Mikasa's eyes wanted to close, to let her sleep, and - no! She jerked her eyes wide open as she focused back on the two boys in front of her. She had to keep up!

When they reached the house Mikasa began to slow down and breathe relief, but Armin and Eren turned around the corner and went behind it. But the house was _base_; they were supposed to stop. Grunting with frustration Mikasa pushed on ahead and rounded the corner after them. She took two steps and grinded to a halt as she looked up to see Eren and Armin caught in the Colossal Titan's hand and being lowered to its gaping maw. Inside she could see her parents already sliding down its tongue. Suddenly she was fifteen again with her uniform and three dimensional gear on. She instinctively pulled the triggers on the handles of her gear, but the hooks shot out only a few feet before they fell onto the ground.

"EREN! ARMIN!" she cried as she ran towards them. But they were much too far away, already behind the wall. And how would she climb it without any gas in her gear? That's when she felt a great hand wrap itself around her and lift her up into the air. She turned to see the Female Titan grinning as it brought her to its face. She struggled against the hand and chopped at the fingers with her blades but the swords were too dull. Mikasa turned round again to see Eren and Armin disappear behind the Colossal Titan's teeth. "EREEEEEEEEN! ARRRRMIIN!" she cried. But she knew it was too late, and the Female Titan's smile seemed to mock her. Mikasa tried to push the tears back as she closed her eyes. The titan's breath was hot and moist on her face. Its hand seemed to squeeze her to the point of breaking all of her bones. She heard a slight gush of wind as the titan opened its mouth and that's when she heard "Mikasa."

She jumped awake with a loud gasp and hands at ready for combat; Jean leaped backwards and nearly spilled the tray of food he was carrying. Mikasa caught herself and put her head in her hands for a moment as she tried to catch her breath. Just a dream. Just a dream. Just Jean.

Jean exclaimed softly with his own breathless fright, "Damn. Are you okay, Mikasa?"

It took but a moment or two for Mikasa to regain her usual composure. She slowly let her arms back down onto her lap and calmly turned toward Jean. "I'm fine."

Jean let out a sigh of relief as he finally regained himself and set the tray down onto the chair at the end of the bed. "Armin told me to bring you these," he said as he gestured toward the tray of food on the chair and the other tray already on the bed. "He would have brought it but the commander took him aside for something. Armin asked me to bring them instead."

"Ah," Mikasa replied simply as she looked over the trays, "Thank you, Jean."

Jean nodded but noticed that she had only looked at him for a second before she was already looking back over _Eren_. She felt Eren's wrist and then his forehead for a few moments – Jean guessed she was checking his temperature. Then Mikasa fetched the folded towel and carefully wiped away some of the sweat on Eren's brow. Jean couldn't help but clench his fist. Just what was it about Eren that Mikasa cared so much about? Jean knew that it shouldn't matter to him and that whatever happened between those two was their business, but he couldn't keep himself from wondering. Why was someone as level headed and disciplined as Mikasa so attached to someone as temperamental and reckless as Eren? Had something happened between those two somewhere? Was there something more to them than anyone else realized?

He cussed in his head and turned around to walk out the door, but he couldn't push himself out just yet. Something tugged at him to stay, and he did for a moment or two. Jean turned around and asked, "Just what is it with Eren that you care so much about, Mikasa?" Jean instantly regretted having said anything, but it was something that had been burning inside him for a long while. He just could hardly stand it anymore - whether it backfired on him or not, he had to know.

Mikasa froze with surprise as she stared at him. Gawked would actually be the better word. Jean shifted a bit in the awkward silence; to be honest he had half expected her to slap him for having dared to ask such a question.

"What do you mean?" she asked genuinely, still taken off guard by Jean's question.

"We-well, I…" he rubbed the back of his neck nervously for a second, then sighed as the awkward moment passed. "I mean you stick by him everywhere he goes, and you're willing to wordlessly give up your life for him no matter how reckless he acts." Jean paused for a moment as he gave a small shrug and spread his arms out in a questioning gesture. "Just… Why?"

Mikasa's face seamlessly eased out of its bewildered expression and locked back into her usual stoic – perhaps with a small shade of spite. "Eren gave his life for me," she said as she resumed wiping the sweat from his face, "I will not fail to do so for him."

Jean took a step back and rubbed his head. What kind of answer was that? "Just what exactly did he do? What is it that he's done to earn this all-consuming devotion you have for him?"

The way her eyes sharpened at him could have cut hair from his head. "Why does it matter to you, Jean? Of all the things you've said about Eren, what's with this sudden…" Mikasa began to demand before being abruptly cut off.

"Because he's putting you in _danger,_ Mikasa," Jean interrupted seriously. "You remember when he transformed into a titan and how he almost killed you?"

Mikasa gave a breath of spite, "That's-"

"You know for all the devotion you show him, he never seems to pay it any mind _or_ pay you any thanks. He just charges in itching to slit some titan's neck without paying any heed as to how it might drag you or Armin or anyone else around into danger."

Mikasa locked her eyes with Jean in a standoff, but Jean pressed on. "Sure, he seems a little more cautious now than he did back at Trost, but when was the last time you heard him talk seriously about anything other slaughtering titans?"

Mikasa looked to Eren for a moment before she levelled her gaze again at Jean, "If you saw your mother devoured before your very eyes how would you act?"

"I don't know, Mikasa," he replied with a wild toss of his hands, "I don't know. But I do know that I would be giving a little more thought to the people who were counting on me."

Mikasa stood up, "What I do for Eren is my own business!"

"What you're doing for Eren is going to get you _killed_!"

"Are you saying I _shouldn't_ be willing to defend my family with my life?"

"_No_! I'm saying you deserve someone who would be willing to put more – " Jean stopped himself there as he gazed at the ground with his teeth gritted behind his mouth.

Mikasa crossed her arms as she kept her cold stare. "What is this really about, Jean? You're not concerned with Eren at all, are you?"

Jean's gaze shifted over toward the floor at his right.

Mikasa leaned forward with her icy grey gaze, "Is it me, Jean? Something you want from me? Something you want to do with me?"

Jean looked up at her a little taken aback. "What?"

"Is that it? Got a few entertainments up in your head you'd like to act out?"

"_What?_ No! I - "

Mikasa leaned forward with a blazing look in her eyes fit to reap a man's soul. "I've seen the way you look sometimes, Jean. I'm not stupid. And I'll go ahead and tell you that Eren isn't stupid either. He does care about me. He cares about Armin, he cares about Sasha, and Connie, and the commander, and all those people out there that have died, and about all those people living out here in fear behind these walls. And believe it or not, he cares about you too, Jean." The pause here felt like a cannon shot straight through Jean's chest. "Maybe you'd see it if you'd quit letting those eyes of yours wander around." And with that she turned her back on Jean, went back over to her chair, and clasped Eren's hand as she dabbed at his forehead with the folded towel.

Jean felt mortified. That hadn't gone near the way he had planned, and the way Mikasa had just automatically assumed… Which to his guilt, wasn't entirely false, but it wasn't something he entertained as much as Mikasa had implied. And it certainly was not the reason he was here now. Clenching his sweaty fist, he turned around, walked out, and shut the door quietly behind him. Jean stood there for a good few moments with his head in his hand before he finally set off down the hallway and bumped into Armin around the corner.

"Hey," Armin said politely, "Is Mikasa and Eren still-"

"Yeah, they're in there," Jean quickly snapped as he shrugged past.

Armin turned around and caught his arm. "Jean, are you okay?" he asked worriedly.

"I'm fine," he lied, and with that he continued down the hallway, wiping at his eyes as tears began to trickle down his cheeks.

_Special Thanks to Tears of a Spirit for beta reading_


End file.
